Women Addicts: Our own kind of crazy

We are NOT guys!

We women addicts got our own kind of crazy –

This is for my sisters: the softer, smoother, dog loving, kids carrying, crazy drunken, sugar eating, dice rolling addicts.  This is an ever expanding collection of one minute vlogs sharing my opinions on living and staying sober from whatever has you by the throat based on the concepts of the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. Recovery is an experience that comes one minute, one day, one life  at a time.

I talk about alcohol and sugar addiction –

because that’s what I know but my experience listening to countless others has convinced me its the same thing with a different wrapper.  I welcome you to substitute your addiction of choice’s name into the story.

I am a drunk –

One of the cute baby stories about me revolved around my dad shaking salt on the foamy head on his beer and letting me slurp it up. The “cute” part of the story is how angry I was when my mom cut me off.  Who would want the salty foam off Olympia Beer? I was destine to be an alcoholic.

I started smoking pot when I was eleven years old. We would buy baggies measured by your finger. A four finger lid cost $10.

4 fingers

I ate acid, mescalin and mushrooms but my favorite high was by far was booze. I always had a twinge I would get too high and OD but I never worried about getting too drunk. And get drunk I did for many long years. I had some fun and I’ve got great stories but the emotional scars are really deep and will take a lifetime to heal. And I want to share part of the healing with you my sober sisters, women in recovery.

I am a sugar addict –

I can’t remember the first time a boy kissed me, but I can remember the first time a boy called me a gross pig. I  was in 2nd grade and can still feel the shame that ran through me. My childhood was sprinkled with these comments, equally painful, equally humiliating. As I grew older the only thing that changed was the crudity. The shamed burned in me and I began to tell myself the same things. I never had seconds; I “pigged out”. I never treated myself to a slice of birthday cake; I “ate badly”.  No matter how hard I tried or wished or prayed I couldn’t control my eating and I repeated it over and over.

I ate sugar like I drank; until it was gone. Every night was an eating binge and for many years a drinking binge too. My body doesn’t react to sugar like a normal body. I get a rush, a buzz of energy and while a normal person will push away from the table I stay and want another piece and another.

Sugar is addictive. It creates, in some bodies, a reaction much the same as the phenomenon of  craving for alcohol. I’ve seen many people sober and start eating pounds of candy as a substitute. The emotional turmoil, the heartbreak and desperation it has causes truly parallel alcohol.

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